Jornal de velvetee, 22 jun 19

@DP lol you made me laugh. I don't have plans to move even if my bf has been asking like a million of times?... Mostly because of my kid, and also because I need to divorce first anyway (my ex is being a moron, it's been a year we don't live together, but he blocks the process and just gets on my nerves...). 

@Sasq, I've been in France for the past 10 years but I moved around a lot, let's say. I started to travel extensively when I was around 4. The spelling is a kind of "heritage" from my British times.. I am as what they call "a highly functionining autist", with higher IQ and blabla but it's not something that can be cured. Yes I can function properly for the most part but it's very draining. For example, I see my best friend every 2-3 months and we never talk over the phone. I have one friend anyway. I never use the phone, unless it's business. Medication wise, I did try 2 types of pills, I don't want to try anything else anymore. It wrecked my body and mind. Depression is a complex thing and unfortunately, here it's 99% medication based. https://www.theguardian.com/society/2013/nov/21/depression-treatment-antidepressants-europe So no more psychiatrists and I pay my therapist sessions myself. I stopped in May because unemployed. Thanks for your kind words! 

You look amazing ☺️🙌🏻 

@Kara, I feel you. I did have a couple severe panic attacks in my 20s, I worked with that and I don't need medication to handle this anymore. Learning to breathe in the right way was my salvation. I try to buy organic or at least local for the most part and those stores don't deliver here. I go to the smaller ones where there are less people, now that I don't work, I choose my "hours" when they are almost empty. Just like going to the gym, I go there as if it was a library. Going to a restaurant is my wildest adventure lol and I'm such a pain in the ass to choose food that someone else cooked...  

you look great, be confident. 

Girl! You are smokin! So proud of you sharing your thoughts with us! I have not struggled but my husband has. He still does because he doesn't want help. You are my hero for getting help and extra support from people (like us)! You should go everywhere in that dress! You look amazing! Throw your hair up and take in the beautiful day. I imagine you will get confirmation such as compliments as soon as you step out the door! Keep on taking a moment for you and doing some self-love. It's amazing where that will take you! Much love and confidence wishes headed your way! 

You look good, when I was having anxiety attack, my doctor told me, they where caused by stress, back then I was a church goer, just listening to the pastor talk, that been about 10 years ago, what have worked for me, is really putting my trust in God (wholeheartedly) reading His word and Believe, because I had a lot of trust in people, and I got hurt, disappointed and used everytime, one thing about reading God Word for me, I see myself and life, and I learned how to respond to situations in life with a spiritual perspective, I pray that you get HEAL from that, and be confident in who you are, a child of the king, and His name is JESUS, Have a wonderful blessed uplifted encourage Sunday. 

Pray and read the Bible. Hope in God puts worry to rest. You are beautiful and God loves you no matter what you wear. 

You are just beautiful, and the dress is amazing! Things rarely fit me as well as your dress fits you! I was diagnosed with depression/anxiety back in 1998, and it’s been a struggle over the years to have the right combination of the right meds. Pick an anti-depressant and I’ve tried it. And then of course you have to wait for so many weeks to see if the dosage is correct or not—all the while dealing with the side effects (especially weight gain). Luckily, the last combination of three meds is working and has been for a year. I’ve had the same psychiatrist since ‘99, and that has made such a difference, too. Additionally, our oldest son is on the spectrum and our youngest son has bi-polar. There are aspects of both diagnoses that I have to accept as being just the way things are, and not trying to make sense of them. This way, I know it’s the diagnosis—not the person—acting a certain way, and I can handle it a whole lot better. Before I better understood my diagnoses and our sons‘ diagnoses, I would get my feelings hurt or be resentful of certain behaviors. Now I know it’s just the disease causing the behaviors—it’s not personal and it doesn’t “make sense”—and this allows me to better deal with what life throws my way. So thank you for asking and for sharing about your struggles, as well. 😊🎈 

And I think you handled “super douche” perfectly! Except I probably would’ve said “dick-less” instead (from the original “Ghostbusters” movie)! What a jerk!🤬 

If you do wear it out, I can tell you that you look like a breath of fresh air! It’s wonderful to see that you are active about managing and improving your life, still trying new things or having hope for them. I recently heard this quote and it hit home, “The fastest way to grow is slowly.” Keep up your patience with yourself and be accepting of your process. You are a unique person. You don’t have to be like others, your goal is to feel happy (which looks like a little happier or less stressed, lil more often, then a lil more, and so on). Meditation has helped me big time, also, writing down things I appreciate everyday (even indoor plumbing and electricity and trash haul away are big deals! Yet so overlooked) and what my strengths are even if they are in the form of intentions and I seem to be failing. I started with 2 min meditation and only do 15 min/day. Breathing is another thing that helps me also just like you. I don’t have autism but I get social anxiety, at a major introvert that gets exhausted from social interaction which is so much of my job, have PTSD from several traumatic experiences, and have been managing and slowly working my way out of repeated bouts of depression/anxiety over the last decade. Everytime I go back, though, it’s not as bad as the last and takes less time and effort to uplift myself again. I hope you wear the dress out(can’t help it, it’s so pretty!), but mostly I wish for your daily joy and a growing peace in your heart. 💚🌸💞☀️🌟😁 

You are beautiful!! Oh how I wish I could solve your problems. It’s so sad that sooooo many women struggle with confidence and depression. And you have no reason too, perfect figure, beautiful face, lovely hair. Isn’t it funny how ‘some’ don’t have those but rock the confidence? It’s something I observe regularly. I wish I had an instant solution. The only thing I could offer is to find peace in Jesus Christ like others have said. He makes beauty from ashes, brings light out of darkness, brings peace out of despair. He’s a life changer!! I will pray for you beautiful lady. He can turn anyone’s life into a brand new world!! ❤️🙏😘 

Velvetee I also suffer PTSD caused by the abuse I endured during my marriage. I am now divorced. Maybe you just haven't found the right therapist yet? I think just writing down and sharing is sometimes helpful like you have done.  

@snooks you are so sweet, thanks! I'll likely wear it with my boyfriend next week... that will be the ultimate test! 

Thank you, @Kelley, @Retta & @tbohz. 

@laraae, yes finding the right meds is a real struggle. I am sorry for your kids, must be not easy every day... we can hurt without knowing, but it's really not on purpose. And yes I am happy not having that dick-less around anymore lol 

@Jewellynn, I struggled quite a bit before coming to the conclusion that we can change things only if we work on ourselves. The world does not give a f*ck about people like me, but I can adapt and make it less hurtful. So baby steps every day. Thank you for your kind words, it really goes straight to my heart. I feel so much but it's hard to name emotions in general. 

@wifey this is so sweet!! Thank you... 

shiny, I'm sorry, I hope you feel better now. My PTSD comes from my childhood because of the domestic violence. My ex added to that quite a bit too. Today he just said "I know you don't feel well but could you keep your shit off the weekends you should have your son? Don't think your condition grants you everything you want in life". I think I've had close to 10 therapists so far. I used to keep things to myself and spitting them here actually helps a lot. Hugs, hugs! 

Nope— the ultimate test is whether YOU like it— other people’s opinion is nice, but not necessary.