Jornal de WisteriaSky233, 29 mar 22

hugs 

keep strong. thoughts and prayers. 

@Kyle22style I need all I can get. Today I just feel the betrayal and anger all right back. And all his commentary when he quit about the positive things only to act like, "well the damage is done anyway.' Well I feel like drinking or something destructive and see HOW he likes it. @OldSandy Blonde Thanks, I'm so heartbroken I'm in physical pain. 

Arguing with an addict is not a battle you can win. You either have to accept him as a smoker (I'm assuming he smoked when you guys were dating -- which implies that it wasn't a dealbreaker for you), or set him free to find someone who won't argue and fight with. Many non-smoking guys out there for you, Wisteria. 

I really am contemplating leaving him over this. It is that important to me. He quit then went back after I'm married and trapped same with him wanting to spend money we don't have and growing his mustache back. I can't accept him and I'm getting angrier by the day. 

Before you decide to end the marriage you should try couples counseling. You mentioned you're involved with the Church, they might be able to help. 

It has been a month of misery and I'm just sad and angry a lot of time. I am trying not to bring up counseling again yet but he doesn't see that we have marital problems but i see that we do. I tried to not harp on it but yesterday running off immediately after being "trapped' with me for 3 days seemed very telling. It hurt me deeply. And I couldn't hide it anymore. 

I'm sorry your anniversary trip was not as you hoped it would be. 

I am trying to put in the 18 months. But the first day of the trip I honestly thought, "Well if he dies before his time, maybe it is ok." That's awful. He can be really sweet but then really snide. I am very heartbroken and feel like he lied to me when he quit talking about how good he felt and that he was glad. Only to go back and be completely unapologetic on how it makes me feel. I'm really wanting to do something to myself to de destructive. He was in the army and has been violent in the past but I don't fear for my safety. 

if you were reading this and a friend wrote it, I hope you'd tell her to get out while she still can. prayers and good thoughts are a great thing, but you've got all sorts of flags up. it's not going to get better. sorry, I'm not going to validate staying. 

I had an ex that I gave 18 months to change and quit nicotine. I figure if I gave a boyfriend that I can give my husband that much. This time hurts worse because he is my husband and that he is older and also Thai laid out how important his being healthy and not smoking. And how it hurt when my ex failed.  

I don't see how that is going to work if he is addicted and you can't accept it as part of who he is. He has a destructive streak, are you in counseling by yourself, even without the marriage counsieling? I stayed with my ex when he started drinking too much, and the benefits outweighed the problems. what does your husband provide that you wanted when you married him? Does the smoking negate that equally? I wish you luck in figuring out what to do. Addicts don't change because they hurt others - your feelings can not match the rush of the smoking. 

There's no easy answer to this problem. You need to think about if your going to be happier without him or putting up with the smoking if he doesn't quit. Maybe it's just me but I don't think it's possible to be 100% happy in any relationship. I'm married and there are things about my husband I don't like. I know it sounds bad but it's true. 

That is the problem I'm struggling with is if I can ever accept this as part of who he is. I feel duped because he quit. And now just seems to be indifferent about it. Tonight he got onto me for my posts on FB. Just kind of mopey posts. I have no outlet!!! Then he was grumbling becsuse his friend to check on me. Well, you know what I am not ok. And my husband knows that I am not ok! I'm thinking one day at a time until 9/23. Maybe by then I will be more financially able to leave if I need to. I don't know how I'm going to continue. 

I think we want to break up with someone because we're not that into him, and then we have to find some kind of moral reason to do so, so we become critical. And I don't think that's fair. If you don't like him, divorce him. If you love him, then feel for him, and think about how it would be to live with you. Your post talks about your pain, but there's his pain too. If he were a fawn in the woods and you wanted him to come up and be your friend, would you chase him around telling him off? No. If you want this guy you have to let him be himself, and allow him free space around you to be in a good mood with you. If you can't do this, then move on. If you're already checked out, put him out of his misery. 

BUMPER STICKER WISDOM: "Whatever the question, love is the answer." 

I highly recommend you read the book t"he 5 Languages of Love" by Chapman. It's extremely helpful. Change is Constant and the only constant is change and the only one you can is Yourself. In the end it's up to you. I wish you the best.  

I 100 percent agree re: the cigarette smoking concerns re: health etc. But sometimes we need to pick our battles . With any type of addiction - drugs- food ( whatever it may be ) the person needs to do it for themselves first. Def pray on this .. Let God do the work . Give it to God 🙏💙 Ask yourself this “ will it hurt more to stay or walk away?” I think the fact that he left hurt your feelings ( I would feel the same way). But maybe it wasn’t even about you .. he probably needed some fresh air . Tomorrow is a new day and it’ll be a better one 🌞🌞🌞🦋🦋 

Obviously none of us know the full story because we are not there but it sounds to me like you’ve already checked out and are now looking for validating points as to why you should leave. No judgements from me because I’ve been there. Whatever you decide to do, I pray you have peace of mind. Relationships aren’t always easy but you’ll figure it out. 

Go to the Empowered Wife podcast by Laura Doyle. Helped me.