Jornal de suma-ya-c, 04 fev 23

I didn't mean to pry. Melancholy just seems to 'steal' time from me, so I focus on more positive reads. Your suggestion William Wordsworth was wonderful to fall asleep to. Thank you 🤗 

Hmm…does it serve me? I’m not sure that it does. I’ve never thought of it like that. But I’m glad you asked, I will need to sit with this for a while and think it through. I’ve always been attracted to melancholia. Thomas Hardy is a favourite author of mine. But then so is JK Rowling😊. 

I have Dutch family,,any mention makes me think of them! I don't think I have read this though, I will need to look it up ❤️ 

Thanks Carol. I’m the queen of randomness 😁. But health is so complex and I find if my mental health is good, the rest follows. Having these conversations on FS is such a wonderful way to form connections with people and learn new and fascinating things. 

@Booty, make sure you’re in a good headspace before you dive in. It’s heavy stuff, but I like it. I increasingly have difficulty finding true peace and serenity. There’s just so much mental clutter. But some old friends(books) really help me find it again. 

I love the deep dive Suma...I studied psychology and philosophy at college and uni...but I will keep that in mind thank you ❤️ 

Wow! I wonder if this is why you have such self awareness. I’m always amazed by your ability to have perspective when things are incredibly tough. I would have loved to have done philosophy. I find psychology fascinating but very heavy. I’d struggle to work in that field. 

Psychiatry is mental illness, psychology is how the brain interprets and learns, first year is all biology, how the eyes to optic nerve to brain sees the world and how it figures out what its looking at! On top of that u have each individual persons perspective on things (well done steak to you might b burnt to me) and how their upbringing, school, peers etc influence that perspective...interesting stuff! But my being able to cope comes from having an extremely hard and all kinds of abusive life, surviving it and being grateful for that. A closed mind is one of the worst things u can have...u should always b open to change, we r here to learn, love &grow, ur not supposed to have the same mindset u had in ur teens! Everything in life is just a decision away, choose and stick to it, choose to forgive, love, accept, be positive...it can b hard sometimes but the alternative is that u harden ur heart and become a negative toxic person urself! And I'm far too stubborn for that 🤣❤️ 

I had a complete meltdown yesterday. And after it, I’ve spent today trying to work out how I’m feeling and how to calm down. So much of what you say is true. I really admire the fact that you rise above it without being a victim or placing blame. And you do it with such compassion. Going to read about your day now x 

Aw Suma I'm sorry to hear this, sending u a gr8 big hug 🤗❤️ download these 2 apps ..Woebot (blue background cartoon robot) and Insight Timer (white square brown bowl). Woebot is an amazing CBT tool, helps me with my obsessive negative thinking, kept telling my mental health nurse about it and now she recommends it too! Insight Timer has absolutely everything, something for everyone, please try them. My whole life I had put things on the shelf to deal with another day, sexual/physical/mental abuse, being in care, violence, death, survivors guilt.....then nearly 7yr ago I had a full blown nervous breakdown, scariest thing ever, and at the time I couldn't get doctors care as I couldn't have it on my medical record coz WeeG's father was dragging me through courts (just settled last yr) so herbal medicine and these apps basically saved my life. I was under 7stone& my heart was starting to give out, nurse told me I had 12 wks to turn it around or I was a gonner! 

I already have heart&lung issues on top of everything else...I'm a single parent and basically just had to make the decision to change it. I moved house back to my home town, never told a soul I was going, changed and deleted my social media, changed my phone number and dumped every1 out of my life except immediate family and very close friends. I dumped every bit of toxic I could with absolutely no regrets and felt a hell of a lot lighter afterwards. Got my head down and focused on routines, and settling WeeG at school...that was it. Valerian root tablets and Bachs rescue melts were my medication and those apps were for my mind as well as plenty of walks along my shore breathing in the fresh air and breathing out the sick....humans are absolutely amazing at adapting to any situation and we can do anything we put our mind to, life is far too short for us not to be happy! 

And now it's all about acceptance, take people for who they r or drop them. Self acceptance, be real about where u r in life, no point lying to urself or u can't move forward. Compassion, never judge, coz u don't know what's happening behind closed doors hurt people hurt people, most just want a hand up not a hand out.Forgiveness, without it where would we all be? And giving it to people who have hurt u is very hard but otherwise u can't heal. Self love, if u don't care, why would any1 else bother. Love, always lead with love and u can't go wrong....this world needs more of it! I hope this (lecture lol) helps u, &if any1 else reads it, know that ur not alone, u are amazing and stronger than u think, u can turn it around and be happy! 🙏❤️❤️ 

Thank you for your kindness and generosity Booty. My troubles are tiny compared to the mountains you have climbed and I feel a little ashamed about wallowing in my misery. But sometimes it helps to lean into the emotions I am feeling and work through them. There have been so many work and life pressures of late, coupled with some frustrating health challenges that have made me lose perspective. I’ll think about all the things you’ve said and how some of them will help me back to my ‘normal’ or ‘new normal’. I have also been trying to help a friend and have been absorbing a lot of his negativity (?transference). I have recognised this and put a boundary down, which will help. I also need to stop letting the number on the scale have so much power over my emotions. Tomorrow is a new day and I’m determined to do better ❤️🖤💚💙. 

Thanks Noor 😊 

1 day at a time  

Yes Holly. You’re absolutely right. I’m going to try and focus on eating better at each meal rather than trying to be perfect and then giving up completely when I’m not. 

Suma...your troubles r as big to you as mine r to me, don't u ever feel bad about sharing anything with me, getting it out of ur head and into the open is a good thing, I encourage it...and when u can't talk ,write! Keep a journal or write it then rip it up as long as u are not holding it inside. Helping others, like ur friend, is a beautiful thing BUT not at the detriment of ur emotional and mental health, Acceptance remember, u can give advice all day long but its up to the person to take it or not, we can only control ourselves and others will only get help when they r ready, don't stay friends with a toxic person because of memories of who they used to be, u can't b friends with a memory. Uv had a lot of pressures and ur worried about ur weight but it all starts with your state of mind, everything else follows from that 

Make some time in your day, get ur ass on they apps and sort your mental health first, get yourself in the right heads space and then ul be able to tackle anything, coz if ur stressed ur sleeping, eating, routines....they r all shot and ur knackered, drained and making emotional decisions and not informed ones. And stress does terrible things to ur body, comes out in physical form and I don't want that for u Suma, I want u to be happy!♥️ 

Noor ...I always stay honest here in the hope that maybe it can help some1 else, u can be as nosy as u like lol im happy to share,,yes my life has been 'eventfull' 🤣 it's like one great big Greek tragedy, but I'm grateful for it all because it makes me who I am today, the people who hurt me turned out to be the best teachers I ever had and my situations were the best lessons!  

Hahaa I know, it always ends up that way 🤣 just know it all comes from love....I say this to my kids and they js roll their eyes!