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August 2024. I’ve been on this app since 2011 or so, and I scrolled my old weight entries and journal entries. It really tells a story of a woman fighting her body type and genetics, the ups and downs of life, not being able to keep “on track”. I feel so sad for her.
I’ve lost 70 pounds on this app in 2011-2012. I ate toddler portions and excruciated over every calorie. I worked out as punishment. I weighed myself upwards of six times daily. I had disordered eating thoughts (feeling guilt over eating, rewards with food, etc). My pain and hatred of myself was engulfing, I can read it in my words. I decided to quit and I couldn’t maintain my weight when I started to eat like a human adult again. I regained slowly over the years. Two failed marriages, a pregnancy, an abusive 3 year relationship, and I got weighed up to higher than before- 280 pounds.
A horrifying court custody battle over my toddler in 2023, on top of an emergency gallbladder removal surgery, killed my appetite. I lost weight, I couldn’t sleep, I lost my hair. The judge saw the truth through the bullshit and I won, January 2024. I had lost thirty pounds not even trying, just feeling sick with anxiety and sleep deprivation and stress.
Finally, in the last seven or so months, I’m healing. I have the most wonderful five year old. My ex husband has been quieted by the judge. My nervous system is finally regulating and I’m sleeping again. My hair is growing back. I have a new relationship with the most wonderful, gentle, sweet man who is helping me heal my traumas.
I got back into the gym in March. I began eating all organic, whole food. Nothing processed, deep fried, greasy, dairy, and pork. I try not to count calories, I don’t want to get numbers obsessed again. I’m attempting to eat intuitively, eat well at least 80% of the time, not give into the idea of “cheat days”, not using food as rewards and working out as punishment. I know the cycle and I don’t want to be on it again.
It’s good to be back.
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1445 kcal
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Líp: 52,20g | Prot: 70,04g | Carbs : 156,59g.
Pequeno Almoço: Basil , Alessi Balsamic Reduction, Nature's Promise Organic Grape Tomatoes, Calavo Avocado, Thomas' Light English Muffin. Almoço: Open Nature Balsamic Vinaigrette, Simply Nature Organic Spring Mix, Rotisserie Chicken (Skin Not Eaten). Jantar: Thrive Market Organic Refried Pinto Beans, Stella Artois Lager, Calavo Avocado, Daisy Light Sour Cream, La Tortilla Factory Gluten Free Tortilla, Giant Eagle Extra Lean Ground Beef (96% Lean 4% Fat). Snacks/Outros: Apple, Starbucks Iced Brown Sugar Oatmilk Shaken Espresso (Grande). mais...
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