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While it wasn't the most mindful of weekends, I know I'm still learning as I try to construct my healthy, mindful road, one building block at a time. DH & I had some "moments" which I truly wanted to deal with by eating my emotions instead of finding a more healthy way to deal with them. What I learned at the retreat was that when you want to eat even though you're not hungry, you have 3 options -- eat anyway (but mindfully & not to a bingeing level), redirect your attention or meet your true needs. I needed & used each of these options this weekend!
When dealing with emotional eating as I was & will continue to do, I fully expect I'll again need to use all of these options. Meeting our true needs is the toughest but most fulfilling & long lasting. My true need in this case is to build a better, stronger, more open & communicative relationship with my DH, which is one of the things I realized I need & would like to do as I build my big new life that we spoke of at the retreat, i.e. taking some of the emphasis off food, diet, exercise & using that time to really live. But, as I'm learning, this takes time. So, there will be times when I need the other 2 options. So, to redirect my attention, I know of & will continue to use various means of distraction. Also, at the retreat, we developed a list of things we could do when we want to redirect ourselves away from the food. For me, I like to read for pleasure (not my usual repertoire of diet & exercise books), go outside to do anything on a nice day esp walking my doggie, pampering myself is always nice too, but even working around the house or my book work can do it. I also did all of those this weekend! We learned also at the retreat that its good to have on this list, things that can be done easily, some that take a short and some that take a longer time, and some that you cannot possibly eat while you're doing for those especially trying times. And there were times, when my emotions felt so strong that I choose to eat anyway. This is such a learned habit (we visualized it as a rut we had driven in over & over in soft mud so that it is so deep, it takes an enormous amount of effort to drive out of). The difference this time was that when I did choose to eat, I did so mindfully, with the knowledge that this was just a short term solution, but what I felt I wanted & choose to do. It met the 4 really test that we also learned about. I really, really, really, really wanted something sweet, even with the knowledge that it wasn't the healthiest for me, but that I could choose to eat it whenever I truly wanted. I was in charge & enjoyed it, and while next time, I'd love to eat a little less of it, or not want it at all, at this point, it felt like the right choice at that time.
But today is a new day, an easier day for me as weekdays prove to be. I'm off to tabata spin class this morning & hope to get to yoga this afternoon -- another addition in creating my new, big life! But, first I'll pray --
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
And through this one day, and each one meal, moment, bite & emotion, I'll pray, breathe, journal, feel & express my way. I'm so grateful again for each of you, my family & IRL friends, a new day & chance to continue building my big new life having the health & wealth to do so. xoxox
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