Jornal de 08willbegreat, 29 jun 09

Yo-yo mindset and Vulnerability to external events!

Great advice, you guys!!! I loved the thought and effort you put into my journal the other day and so earnestly tried to help me. I read every word and made notes. You are the best buddies ever!!!! I love my FS friends!!! I always love to rush over here and vent about my goings-on!! My FS friends and FS journal knows my life to the tee--more so than my real life people!!

Anyway, I plan to abide by all your wonderful advice. Starting tomorrow. Yes, you heard right. Not today! I am continuing to do the 4-day long damage still...I can't seem to stop this pattern. Stress-eating out of control, mood despondent, exercise MIA, and to-do list is getting only the clerical stuff off it--the main item is still untouched!!!

This time it is not just the work stuff. I am also stressed and troubled by the stressful situation my little sister (Leesah) is dealing with her newborn baby, Justin..the two of them are fighting so hard and it's so hard to not be able to do anything to help or be there for them.

Besides that rather unusual stressor, I do find myself constantly getting shaken up by externale events, and letting that determine how I feel about what I want to eat or not work out!! for e.g., yesterday, I felt judged for the way I looked by this incident with a person that was reminiscent of all my demons blast from the past!! And the otherwise normal day was thrown off-kilter. I went and had coffee, but sampled 4-5 pieces of bread at Panera, and then 1/2 pizza at subway, and then more goldfish crackers!!!

Anyhow, I want to stop this roller-coaster of eating bad and letting the hard-earned work go to the wayside. This is supposed to be the last two days of my personal training in the gym. And I feel like I am at the brink of losing all the wondrful things i learned there and doing so much damage that it'll be difficult to start the cardio again and hence the tendency to go days without it, and then to have to start from scratch!!! So, no, starting tomorrow, July 1st, I am cleaning up this closet of this junk!!! Physical and emotional junk!!!

I want to challenge myself to 1 month of self-control (week to week check-in, every Tuesday), and avoiding the tendency to use external excuses to self-sabotage!!. For one month, no matter what happens out there, deadlines, failures, sicknesses, sadness, fights, frustrations, disappointments, temptations, poor planning, inadequate sleep, or whatever other excuse I can russle up, MY DIET WILL NOT BE PREY TO IT!!! EXERCISE WILL NOT BE PREY TO IT!!!!!

The new plan:
workout daily: 8.30-10.30 weekdays, 10-12: weekends
Additional classes:
Monday 5.30-6.30 yoga (0r Thurs 12-1)
Wednesday: 5.30-6.30: Total body
Thursday 12-1: pilates yoga
Friday: 12-1: cardio sculpt
Saturday: 11-12: spinning

30 mins of hard cardio daily.
Tuesday: Lower body
Thursday: Upper body
Friday: Core

NONNEGOTIABLE!!!

Keeping with Evelyn's positivity idea, I am chanting now that I have a good life and good, surmountable problems. God is giving me only that which I can fight. That is more than I can say for the way others are being tested. So I am lucky and I am going to appreciate that blessing of being given a chance to put my best foot forward!!! I am going to push my mind to work and focus like never before. I am goign to push my body to move daily and push harder like never before. I am going to push my emotions to rise out of every sinking hole they go finding themselves in!!